*near tears*


Sara first off if you do read this, by the time you read this I won't need you to call, so I'm gonna tell you right now, when you are reading this I'm probably fairly fine.



I woke up expecting it to be a fairly normal boring day, I was plannning to chat with Stitch and work more on our AU ItaHana IM story we got going. Its actually a really good one too. ^^ I'm enjoying it. I planned on updating TSB, probably gonna do that tomorrow. I have three chapters ready to be posted, the fourth is almost done. I'm almost at chapter seventeen which is where I want to stop. Probably gonna have a double posting tomorrow because I actually have chapter fourteen done and I hate stopping on thirteen. So, double posting. DAMN IT SARA! REVIEW BEFORE I LEAVE! PLEASE!

Anyways my sister calls up around erm....ten o'clock (PST) and asks to come home early, Mom lets her so she gets home around eleven-ish and they go out and ride the horses around noon.
Well, my mom gets bucked off of our horse, Bud, and at first she's like "I just hurt and need to go lie down," so I help her into the house and go back to waiting for SOMEBODY to get online.
My sister eventually makes my mom go out and help her put Bud away. After that Sister calls Dad. Dad tells me I need to take Mom to the hospital, just to be on the safe side.

I do that.

Turns out my mom has four broken ribs and a punctured lung.

It may sound serious, but its not...medically speaking.

The lung is like a balloon. It popped, so what they do is they suck the air out of the chest cavity so the lung and reinflate and its fine again. They put a chest tube in my mom (I'm squimish with blood so I didn't watch it) and admitted her into the hospital.

But tomorrow is Thanskgiving and I'm insanely worried and everything. I just got home from the trip into town, and my dad just left to pick up my brother.

And I'm so worried, so scared!

And I want to cry! I'm so worried and scared and stressed.

Some of it is because of my mom.
Some of it is because I want to get to chapter 17 on Tear Stained Blossom.
Some of it is because I'm gonna be shipping for bootcamp in two and a half week and I'll be leaving home for the first time and I'm scared.

So I'm trying to get as much time in with my friends and family, and its the holidays and I'm so stressed and scared and worried. And I just feel like crying! I'm trying to be strong for everyone. I feel like I need to be strong because I'm in the Navy, I'm a sailor, I'll be putting my life on the line for my country, for my family; so I have to be strong for them, for everyone.
And I feel like I can't do it! That I'm breaking under the pressure.

And I have nobody to lean on.

My sister is blaming herself for what happeend to my mom, and my dad is worried and my brother is in Seattle, I have no friends really where I live, they are all online. I have nobody to lean on, but myself, and I'm about to collaspe!

I really want to cry, I just want to let it all come crashing down but I can't! I won't let myself, because I have to be strong! I have to be that lighthouse in a storm, the rock standing against the crashing waves, I have to be that pillar of strenght. I feel like I have to somehow, try to keep everyone together, to keep them from falling apart.

I just wish I had a friend I can call up and talk to, but I don't. At least not locally. Its not that I pushed them away or anything, they pushed me away.

Sami said fuck you when she got into college.
Jeremy hardly keeps in touch, so he clearly doesn't want to be friends.
Tara has never spoken to me since I left Riverside.
Kim...Kim was too needy, too clingy and too much of what I didn't want myself to become.

I have no friends.

Other than, Dess, Sara, Stitch, Melissa and Peaches.
But they are all online.
I've only spoken to Sara over the phone once and that was the Monday my parents got back from dropping my brother off at college and my sister pulling that stunt (Sara still wants to kill her because of it). And it was on our cells.

Three Days Grace is really helping.

And so is this.

Sister feels like she's ruined my Christmas (since I'm shipping the 15th of December, I won't be here for Christmas, so I get to have it Saturday) but she hasn't. My dad always pulls something out of his hat. He's just cool like that.

And I'm gonna miss him when I leave.

I'm gonna miss my brother, my mom, and my bitch of a sister. Even though I know my sister hates me, I still love her. Because that's what big sisters do. They love their little sisters no matter how much they hate their big sisters, because when they are done on their luck at their lowest point, their big sisters will always be there for them. (Gee, I sound like Itachi. *headdesk* But he's totally right.)

Scratch that!

Three Days Grace isn't helping.

And I hate my hormones, I think that's why I'm so emotional, I'm on my cycle.
I just want to cry, I don't want to be strong anymore. I don't want to feel like I have to keep my family from falling apart. I just want to be happy. I don't think I'm that strong, but whenever something like this happens, I feel like I'm the glue that keeps everyoen stuck together, even though normally, I rather isolate myself, but when this happens, I know, my heart tells me or something inside me tells me that I alone am the glue that'll keep everyone together, that if I lose faith in myself, everything is gonna fall apart and that we'll only make it through this crisis if we stick together as a family and I have to hold them together, I have to be strong. And I get strong...or try to be.

I know I'm not making sense to anyone.
And probably the people that I would make sense to don't even know I'm alive, so what are they gonna do about it.
And I want to stay up for my dad, but he's gonna be home like seven o'clock tomorrow and I'm not that crazy.
But I'm not tired enough to go to bed, well I actually am but I'm too stressed/worried to go to bed.

Sigh.


Okay, any more ranting and I may just cry and I don't want to cry.


Personality according to me: Karin, Hinata, Tenten, Itachi.

Happy Thanksgiving people.

I would only band one book in the world.


Mien Kampf by our good insane friend (note the sacrasim) Adolf Hilter.

I hate book banding and book burning! (Yes, Dess, I'm still pissed at you for burning a Bible! I may not be religious or anything but you burned a book! And that's bad!)

Books are sacred tomes of knowledge, our passports to other worlds. Books should not be banded! And people that band books are self rightious bastards with a fucking holier than thou complex!

I mean, banding The Adventures of Huckelberry Finn just because it has the N-word in it, its ludericous! Doesn't anyone realize that THAT was how they talked back then!? That blacks today call themselves by that all the time!?

Banding Little Red Riding Hood? Uhm....why? I remember that was one of my favorite fairytales as a child!? Or the Pigman (never read the book but I'm sure its harmless). Or "Of Mice and Men" I read that book in high school and I loved it! It was a very beautiful tale! Or...fuck I forgot the title but it was like "Shelly as Two Mommies" or something, basically it was about two lebsian women raising a child.
Which in my view is completely harmless. So, they wanted to raise a child. I don't see anything wrong with that. I'm sure a lot of homosexual couples are just as loving parents as heterosexual couple, maybe even more so.
Or Animal Farm?

There are so many banded books that its stupid! We should not band books because if you look at history denying the public knowledge makes them ignorant mindless easy to control masses. Just what dicatorships LOVE!

Yes, people. Censorship is Dicatorship's little slightly less harmless brother.
Now, I'm not saying we should allow PlayBoy TV on like Nickelodeon, we have to draw a line at SOME POINT, but seriously, taking Asuma's cigarette away?
Get real.
Kids see people smoking everyday. Why should that be taking out of an anime?

Banding Huck Finn just because of the N-word when the story is NOT about racism but about a young boy growing up on the banks of the Mississippi River in a turbluant time in American history.

I've read lots of books, in high school. A lot of them I enjoyed and were on the banded list. Like To Kill a Mocking Bird (I loved that book) and Of Mice and Men and the Grapes of Wrath.

Seriously people, banding books is wrong and its just wrong and its another way for a Socialist/Communist/Marxist/Dictorship government to control us!

I highly suggest every junior and senior read 1984.

Maybe then they'll understand the horrors of ignorance.

Knowledge is power.

History proves that smart people see the writing on the wall. Why do you think the slave masters didn't allow the slaves to learn to read and writing? Because then they'll lose their control over them.


KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!


We should stop book banding!

ASGJKL!


I post a rewrite of my Madara story and nobody reads it or reviews it and ARGH! I worked fucking hard on it! And Dess won't read it just because its about Madara!

I mean....come on! Its a good story! WHo knows...he may have liked it! If he had bothered to read it! But noooooo! Just because its Madara means he won't read it!


BASTARD!

And Sara is so busy she hasn't reviewed any of my stories! TT___TT Which makes me sad! Maybe that's why I have writer's block suddenly because there are no epic Sara reviews in my inbox!?


TSB is gonna get an update tomorrow for sure! Maybe a double or triple update. Not sure yet. But I will work on chapter 14 tonight. XD Smokin' Shikamaru!

And I missed Stitch today. Which was depressing. Damn it!

I finally saw the live action Blood: The Last Vampire and you know what...I liked it. It was really good. Like TOTALLY AWESOME! Well...the ended sucked. Which I kinda figured and the whole plot twist of Onigen being Saya's mother...uh...yeah...kinda figured that one out WAY BEFORE it was actually revealed.
But the fight scenes and the gore and how the story line was put together, kept me interested, only thing is I wish it was longer, like focusing more on the Council, which seems SO MUCH more voilent and ruthless than the Red Shield. And the fact that Saya was a vampire (well, she was dhampire in this but whatever) was totally kinda lame. But Gianna Jun was pretty and a good choice for Saya.
But like I said, I'm a fan of the series and it was good and I liked the action scenes and it was a good short flick. And the horror...not really there! So a perfect Halloween movie for me.


And I want a pet lizard. Maybe when I get my own place I'll have a few cats and a lizard or two. I like lizards. I'll name one Draco and the other Malfoy! XD

Can't get any more fangirly than that.

ZOMDFG! Symphonic metal is so awesome! Its like the best stuff in the world! It. Is. My. Goddess!

So I was looking for a free download to an Evanescence song Anything For You (which I was unable to find), when I went to Last.fm to see if I can find any more free symphonic metal downloads.

Well...guess what?

I FUCKING SCORED this time!

This Spanish (as in they came from the country of Spain!) symphonic gothic metal band, Angeldark....actually is kinda more symphonic gothic power metal because they use a lot of male vocals but whatever.

I FUCKING LOVE THEM! I got twelve of their free songs! That's like a complete album!

*blink, blink*

Did you hear that peeps?

I got a fucking complete album for fucking FREE!

FREE!

FREE!

As in I didn't have to fork out cash to buy it!

Though, I think the song "In My Dreams" is incomplete cause it just cuts off after four minutes, but whatever, I like it anyways.

Its so wonderful! I love it! Love it! Love it! And their vocalist is pretty awesome too, both of them.


Oh, and the Yu-Gi-Oh! Abridge series....

SUCKS!


Seriously. Maybe its because I'm not longer into Yugioh! and like Naruto better, or maybe because the jokes are funny just funny. (Though I did find myself laughing pretty hard) But for whatever reason, I still prefer the Naruto Abridge series over Yugioh!

Oh, and I found out who does Itachi's Abridge voice...

Its Vegeta3896! XD

His Itachi voice is so sexy! Its pretty than Crispin Freeman (who looks like a blue eyed Edward....)

So....the best Itachi voices are. Hiroshi Ishikawa (Ita-kun's Japanese voice, which will always be my favorite...I mean, it just captures Itachi's personality!) and Vegeta3896's Itachi's voice.

And Dess and I got into another fight again today. He said I can't write my stories on my own!

*bristle*

I FUCKING CAN TOO!

Its just that I like my stories to very original. And I don't want to use the Sasuke-"Cheated"-On-Sakura gambit, because that's been overdone. Cause chapter three of my SasuSaku QuickFic Ever Dream is Romanticide which literally means "The Killing of Romance" or "The Death of Romance". So I need something horrible to happen between them so that their romance can die.

So, if ANY of you have any ideas. Please tell me.

Cause I don't.

And I think I have to start avoiding Dess again.


I don't like being yelled at. Only Stitch and Sara are allowed to yell at me.
Period!


And the milk I have tastes like bad butter.

I am SO NOT FUCKING KIDDING! Its icky! Like totally icky!


And I hope someone leaves me a nice review to my Madara story. I worked on on the rewrite of the new chapter! I really did!


And Mastery of Pain is so awesome!

I love symphonic metal!

Oh, and my cat scratched me and I need an ItaHana does.

Hmmm....that's a tough one. The ONE CD that I will be able to listen to for the rest of my life. Hmmm.......


Nightwish's Once.

Because I love all the songs on it. Yes, even The Siren has wormed its way into my heart. Tarja's voice is so heavenly on it and I just adore it.

Okay, that's out of the way.


I have AWESOME NEWS!!!!!


One I passed my physical fitness test for the Navy.
I ship 12-15-09

I can't wait!

 

I so fucking can't wait to get out of stupid Spokane! I SO FUCKING CANNOT WAIT!


Oh, and my big news...


My brother is coming home for Thanksgiving! YAY! I get to see him before I leave!

Yep. That's it.

Oh, and my sister and my mom have been fighting. Ugh. Someone kill me now!
 

There is a totally fucking awesome new ninja movie coming out and


I AM SO CONVINCING MY DAD TO TAKE ME!


Ninja Assassin


Looks so cool, and it actually is gonna help me rewrite my ninja story. XD


I'm plotting and gonna start it like tonight and stuff.

I'm headbanging (not really but whatever! I'm moving to the music) to UVERworld's Colors of the Heart, which is Blood+'s third opening. Its so good, I think its their best opening so far.



OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG! 

BLOOD+

Is so amazing!

Like totally amazing! Haji/Saya for the win! 

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

I actually think I like this pairing better than ItaHana...then again, ItaHana and HajiSaya is from two totally different series.

But-but-but-but!

Haji's English voice is Crispin Freeman

AND

Itachi's English voice is ALSO Crispin Freeman.  And Haji's HAWTT XD


But I like Haji's Japanese voice better.

Cause I'm only watching it in Japanese. Yeah...reading subtitles is kinda boring after a while, but I perfer the Japanese anyways.

But its so good! Gonna watch another five episodes tonight. XD

OMGOMGOMOMGOMGOMGOMG!

I ship in a month!

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!


XD


I'm stoked!
 

Like seriously!

And I talked to my dad, and I told him I really rather go to bootcamp than school.

I don't know why, but something in my heart told me that bootcamp is the way to go. Yeah, I may not be able to give orders to other people just yet, and I may be at the bottom of the pack and stuff. But that's okay ^__^ I'm happy, my heart tells me to go to bootcamp. And I still have my G.I. bill money so, after the military I can still go to school and stuff.

I will go to college.

Just not through ROTC.

There is the Stay 21 program which I can do.

So, I finally have one big secret off my chest.

Now, I need to start running.


As for the movies.

Dad says he'llt ake my to Ninja Assassin the Saturday after Thanksgiving!


DATTEBAYO!


And Kim called.

She called me a bitch.

And I told her to call me a bitch to my face.

I have no problem if people want to call me a bitch.
But do it to my face, so I can slap you XD

I tried to get out of the converstaion by saying I wanted to talk to my dad. Which was pretty true. I also report to my parents about DEP meetings (SOOOOOOO excited for laser quest in December XD) and she was like "Why have you been avoiding me?" and I was like "I'm trying to get my life together" and she was like "And I haven't?" and I wanted to say "From our conversations no, I don't think you have." but didn't and she began speaking again almost as soon as she said that. She called me a bitch and I was like "Kim, if you want to call me a bitch, at least call me a bitch to my face." and she hung up on me.
I was very calm and very leader-ish about it to. And my dad even praised me.


So that's pretty much it. XD


I'm going to begin my ninja/yakuza fantasy story now.

Oh, and you'll get a report on Ninja Assassin when I get back from seeing it.

First off....




HALLOWEEN SHOULD JUST DIE!


Stupid useless holiday.



Second.

So I got iMesh yesterday (got rid of it today). Turns out the damn program didn't support my ipod. Thanks  Dad for getting my an iTouch. I want a fucking NORMAL ipod! Like an ipod nano or something like that...just a fucking NORMAL ipod!

Anyways, turns out that ALL the music I downloaded from iMesh is protected and in wma/wmv files.

Basically, iTunes can't conver it.

I'm stuck with music I WANT but am unable to get onto my ipod.


Fuck!
My!
Life!


And ontop of that.

My cracktop doesn't have Word on it.


Do you know how bad that is for me! 

I type like a maniac!


I NEED word on the cracktop! 

It like NEEDS to get onto the cracktop!

And I hate to go hunting for the damn office program. I know we have it. Just need to find it.


Fuck! Why did my brother have to remove Word from the cracktop! WHY...oh, yeah, to make room for his games.

Today I downloaded Ares.

STILL NOT FUCKING WOKRING! I'm so tempted to download limewire JUST so I can get some of the music.

Seriously, this is getting stupid!

I mean, I have the music I want.

I just can't get it onto the ipod.

IF ANYONE out there knows how to unprotect files.

Please tell me! 

Thank you so much!

Right now, I'm kinda tempted to download some Naruto clips just to mak a vid.

Oh, and how the hell do you use GIMP?


PS: Cracktop's nickname....Herointop!

I've always wanted a laptop.




Guess what!?


I FINALLY GOT MY OWN LAPTOP! 

I needs a cool name?


Hmm....lappy! Irunno.

Now I can get on whenever I feel like it and watch TV and play computer and stuff.

Currently I'm downloading Windows Live while watching TV. But I'm so happy! I'm so happy now I can talk to Dess and Stitch and yay! Its so cool! Just wanted to tell you that.


I need to feed the chickens though....Do that next commerical. I found something intersting or maybe not. Let's see if Spongebob is on.

 Yep. 

As I'm waiting for Stitch's Itachi vid to load up. Cause I REALLY want to watch it. I'm going to tell you that I have another story idea. 

Fuck
My
Life


Oh ye-s! Yet another story that's gonna fester in my brain.

So, from time to time I think about my first roommate EVER XD during my first overnight trip to MEPs, the usual how she doing, how did bootcamp go for her, that sort of stuff. 

Well, the story idea is, pretty similar, but only its a love story, where the girl meets the guy only once and then never sees him again for x number of years and then they run into each other and its like "Your that guy/girl from that one (inseret activety here) thing! Wow! Its great to see you again!" and it proceeds in the usual teenbopper fashion. 


I DO NOT understand why I want to write a teen novel SO BADLY!? Seriously I don't. ASGJKL! But I digress. 

Sara, don't worry about TSB nobody else has reviewed save for this one ass that said that I was focusing too much on Itachi's family and not Sasuke. 

Well, the thing is, Sasuke and Sakura have a very happy very normal marriage, (well as normal as ninja marriages go, theirs is pretty blah). Basically they are happy and in love and no "romance" will continue during the marriage! They. Are. Married! with kids! 

Itachi on the other hand.....Yeah. 

If you read/have read BKP you would understand why I'm focusing on Itachi's family oppose to Sasuke's. 
Plus, I like my plot! My plot is perfect! I'm not going to create a random faux affair and have Sakura accuse Sasuke of cheating on her just give the story more SasuSaku! It'l just give ME MORE WORK! No! If you don't like how I'm writing the story don't fucking read it!


*sigh* On another note! 

 

Stitch your Itachi vid was fucking awesome! Needs more video clips but other than that! AWESOME! 

Okay, I'm going to work on TSB now. 

Yeah. Lots of things can go die right now.


So, Stitch and I are doing an ItaHana story through iming.

And I normally save them to read them later.


Well, guess what?

The stupid thing didn't save! And I remember hitting "Save conversation!" BUT NO! I didn't want to save it! 

I lost it ALL!

 

FUCK! 

So, that means we pretty much have to do today's conversation Wednesday and finish it Friday! FUCKING HELL!

In other news, I got Leaves' Eyes new CD after much hassel. Thanks Stitch and Dess! 
And the funny thing is Dess asked me if I liked the band and he told me that some chick in his class gave him the CD to rip to his computer and everything. Interesting huh? He wanted to get rid of it SO BADLY he had to give it to me! THANK YOU DESS!

And Stitch for converting everything for me!

And STILL NO SARA!

What the hell Sara!? Where are you! Why haven't you read my new TSB chapters? Where are my epic Sara reviews! T.T

And when did the noise get so silent?


Anyways, I finally beat Diablo II! With my awesome Assassin! Now I need to beat the expansion set. Sigh. Baal...I'm not looking forwards to defeating that Prime Evil, but I must! To protect the world!

I'll do it the same way I did with Diablo! Place Lightning Sentries all over the place and BAM! He'll be dead before dessert! 

You know what really annoys me about Diablo II? Is that everyone is like "You must stop Diablo and Baal from reaching their brother, Mephisto!" or "You must stop Diablo from reaching his brother, Baal!" and by the TIME you do every fucking thing! Diablo has already accomplished what he wanted!?

That is SO FUCKING ANNOYING! ASGJKL!

And anyways, I like ItaSaku (I find it sweet), and I saw this picture that I faved and forgot about of Itachi showing Sakura his Sharingan, and I just so happened to be listening to Tides of Time and....

ItaHana inspirationg struck!

I just have bits of pieces of it....I'm thinking Hana is having random flashbacks of Itachi cause she just got news that he's dead....irunno. Something sweet and tender and I'm so writing it to Tides of Time.


Epica's new album is the fucking sex! I swear! Even Dessie likes it! And he's like obessesed with Thrash metal like I'm obessed with symphonic metal! Now that's saying something.

I keep telling you Dess, Symphonic is the way to go! Subgenre or not! The music is epic!

And anyone that bothers to care, I actually got the last line of the Dark Trinity Trilogy. Its a quote by Nathanial Hawthrone about utopia. I'm still not sure how I"m going to end it, but Dante is going to be the final speaker of the story.

Also Tear Stained Blossoms is updated! Double updates starting now! But I actually want to do this chapters, because ever since and began the squeal, I've been looking forwards to them!


I want ItaHana! Like so badly! I wish more people drew ItaHana. I mean, like good Naruto fanartists. But alas, they all seem to draw every pairing BUT ItaHana. T.T

Its hard having a crack ship as your OTP, but I just love them SO DAMN MUCH!

Oh, and Halloween suck!

Hey, I may be able to reconnect with an old friend from high school, Jeremy. I had two years to think about my feelings for him and...

I want to know if I should tell him that I like him...maybe more than a friend.

I don't care if he's still dating Kasey (his high school sweetheart) or that we have spoken to each other in two years... I... I wouldn't say I love him, but it feels pretty close to that.

So any advice?


Oh and Epica is just totally so epic! I love their new album! 

http://www.thatguywiththeglasses.com/videolinks/thatguywiththeglasses/bum-reviews/2741-twilight everyone much watch this! its epic win!

 Okay!


Everything is okay now!


Erika has used the power of the BRAIN! to figure it out! 


After ranting and raving and feeling like crying and threatening to BREAK my ipod and my mom's mac, everything is better now! I figured it out! Deleted Epica (new one and put the one's I have BACK onto my ipod), fixed some stuff that I've been wanting to fix FOREVER and everything is okay now. 

Dess, its not your fault. Its never your fault. 

Sara, I don't need you to call me. I'm fine! I was just frustrated and I needed to take a deep breath and THINK!!

Stitch, you don't need to beat me or anything. Just give me more of your original fiction. Cause I want to know what happens to Evan and Ayden!

TSB will be updated Friday with TWO CHAPTERS!

Yes, people TWO!

Library tomorrow and ROTC stuff! The most private secret place in the world from my parents is the library! HA!


I'm so happy I figured everything out now! Now I can make my ipod neat again! YAY! I am SO HAPPY! You do NOT understand how happy this makes me!

Though, the albums Dess gives me still REFUSES to be in the proper order. Oh, well, I can live with that. 

As for the Epica album....

ZOMDFG! SO AWESOME! I AM SO BLASTING MY BRAINS OUT WITH IT TONIGHT! I personally think its better than The Divine Conspiracy. 

 okay so Dessie gives me Epica's new album.

Well, EVERYTHING IS SHOT TO FUCKING HELL!

 
I want the entire ablum GONE! FUCKING GONE! 


OFF MY FUCKING IPOD!

BUT GUESS WHAT?! 

I FUCKING CAN'T FUCKING DO THAT! 

MY MOM DOESN'T UNDERTSTAND! THE STUPID ITUNES DOESN"T WANT TO OPEN UP MY IPON IN THE VIEW MENUE SO I CAN DELETE STUFF FROM IT!


FUCK LIKE! FUCK EVERYBODY!

 

JUST FUCK OFF AND FUCKING LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!

 Okay, so I pretty much wait....


ALL FUCKING DAY LONG! 

For Sara and Dess to get online. (Stitch only applies on Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday)

Well, today! I finally get one and well, whaddya know!?

DESS HAS TO LEAVE! 

T.T


So not fair! And I wanted my new Epica today! *flail* 


Yeah. So Dess, GIMME CANDY! 

And reviews! YOU'VE BEEN SLACKEN ON BKP you lazy bum! 

Other than that I still need to do my ROTC. 

TOMORROW! WILL DO IT TOMORROW! 

 

Cause then my dad is at work, and my mom will be reading Beyond the Shadows by the afternoon and I can get onto Old Besty (my computer) and fill the damn paperwork out. Its not that I don't want to do it, its the I hate paperwork! Ick! 


Anyways, so, Dess, you and I need to like get a schedule thingy going here. So, we can actually chat. And stuff. Cause its getting ANNOYING! Like for serious! And Sara?

WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU!? 


When I need you!?

XD 

I :heart: Three Days Grace (^__^)

Just a really quick post cause I'm fucking tired.


Note to self: Do not stay up until 2 am! Not good! Even if you have a fucking awesome time IMing your best friend.

Note to self 2: ROTC app tomorrow! 

NOW the main purpose for this journal.

Tabula Rasa in now finished! YAY! FINALLY! I'm so happy!


Tabula Rasa: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5416419/1/Tabula_Rasa

Everyone GO READ IT AND FUCKING REVIEW DAMN IT! I WORKED  MY ASS OFF ON THIS FIC! REVIEW DAMN IT! 

Now. Nightwish will always rule the world!

Dess, I'm only going to say this more than a million trillion times.


Metallica and Nigthwish's love child!

KCPBAI!

 And since I'm feeling better I'm gonna switch to VoA. One moment. 

*random noises*



Aaaah. Much better. I'm so gonna finish Act IV tonight. I can feel it! 

Okay, so you are all probably wondering what the hell happened. 

Well, my bitch sister and I got into a fight. 

Here's what happened. 

We were watching House (YAY! HOUSE! I so totally love that guy. Like seriously! That guy is made up epic win. He treats stupid people how I WISH the WORLD would treat stupid people! I love him! He's so awesome!) and I was rubbing my mom's feet which are so totally digusting and it was commerical and m sister tries sit behind my mom because she's attention and phsyical contact deprived or something irunno, point is she did it. I get irked and leave to sit in the green chair YAY! GREEN CHAIR! I LOVE YOU GREEN CHAIR! and my sister gets mad at me because I did that stating I just wanted to move to play with my ipod. Uhm....hello! I can do everything that I wanted to do on my touch with ONE HAND bitch. So, I get mad at her and say "I'm going to my room cause you guys clearly rather I be gone" or something like that. Then my sister says I'm trying to make people feel sorry for me. Actually no, I could care less if my mom and sister felt sorry for, I just paused to hear her snarky comeback, cause she ALWAYS has one. 
So, we get mad. I toss a pillow at her and we shart fighting. And I so totally wish juken was real cause then she'll be moaning in pain right about now. Bitch, serves her right too! 
So Daddy comes and lectures me how they are gonna push my buttons in bootcamp (uhm...hello, I ALREADY KNEW THAT! You've been telling me that since irunno I could walk! I guess) so just deal with it and show that you have a hide of ultra iron and blah! 
Then he talks with my sister. I go back and rub Mom's feet. fhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfff And you should've heard my sister. Manipulative little bitch.  (Note: when Daddy gets Before The Storm Calm you know he's P-I-S-S-E-D!)
My bitch sister eventually gets on the phone and Daddy eventually talks with her private I so wanted to eavesdrop, but my ninja skills are lacking in the sneaking department. 
He then tells me that I need to start acting like the older sister. 

Okay, here's the thing. My sister does not VIEW ME in any way, shape or form as the older sister. None. Nada (We got Nada III). Zip, Zero. Nope. Nothing. 
So? How do I act like the older sister in order for her to VIEW ME as the older sister when she NEVER VIEWED ME as the older sister to begin with? Huh? 
She has always pushed me around and stepped on me and took advantage of my kindness when we are home by ourselves (prime example is when she snuck Jerk A and Jerk B into the house two weeks ago [damn, as it really be two weeks? I MISS DANIEL! WAAAAAAH!])
Huh? I ask you that question? She's such, as Dessie would put it, a hiphop slutty bitch! 

And Dess, you are actually more correct about my sister than you know. 

My sister dyed her hair. Its now like a cross between Hinata's hair color and Karin's hair color. Between you and me, she looks ugly. I won't tell her that to her face cause she'll bitch. She's obessed with her image (I've found pictures of her on my camera before and ASJKL! I want to stab her in the face when I see that fake FAKE smile plastered on her lips. ASGJKL!), she's going to the doctor's tomorrow to see if she can go to a detematologist because she as acne. 
People. I had "acne" as a teenager, I'm sure you guys have acne. We all have acne. Yes people have more acne then others. But seriously? My sister wears make up. And you know what? Between you and me, I personally think that's the source of her skin problems. If she would just STOP wearing makeup (ASGJKL! I need TDG one moment! Aaaah. Break. I FUCKING love this song! Adam is SO HAWTT! *insert random fangirlness herer -...........- Okay, back to the story!) I'm sure her acne would clear up. My face always broke out when I wore cover up and stuff. 
She wears slutty/whorish outfits. Seriously. I'm not kidding. She has more bras than I DO. She says my boobs are sagging. (DAMN IT! MY BOOBS ARE PERKY AND CUTE!  I like my boobs! My opinion. But I'm sure REASONABLE guys would agree with me, if they saw my boobs) She thinks my bras are granny bras. (Tch. And hers are slut bras. Now, which has a better taste? Dingdingding! I do!) She wears thongs (Ick! Constant wedging anyone? No thank you!) and general slutty stuff. Showing too much skin (even in winter. She has like NO SENSE of seasons, trust me) does that little preppy bitch black girl head bob thing (too much Sister, Sister as a kid ruined her I think), wears those big ass hoop earrings that preppy bitchs like. 
Has NO TASTE in music. She likes Char and oldies and rap! RAP! People! Retards Attempting Poetry! That is like ASGJKL! The worse music genre in HISTORY! Rap is nothing but bad stuff and drugs and killing and UGH! And she says MY music...MY MUSIC is all about "dying being in fashion". Well, you know what. The only band that actually talks about death REGULARLY is probably Evanescence. And that's only because Amy Lee was really effected by her youngest sister's death. (Hello and Like You were written in that sister's memory) But that's it! THAT IS IT! And what she heard was Situations by Escape the Fate which is punk rock. Yeah....

ASGJKL! My sister is a complete bitch! 


So, *sigh* I feel so much better and TDG is so totally helping. Hmm....I need something steamy because I have to write SasuSaku lime/lemon tonight. Think sexy thoughts, think sexy thoughts. I may just end up listening to Figure You Out by Nickelback (which is a really good song Dess! Nickelback isn't failish! They are just boring. Chad Kroeger's voice has like NO DYMANIC to it. Ick. But I do like them. They are good.)

And I may have a plot for my band fic I so totally want to write! YAY!

Title: *working on it. Sara? Dess? Any ideas!*
Pairing: SasuSaku
Sides: ItaHana, NaruHina, SuiKa
Summary: Two brothers, two bands, and one girl. Things can't get any more complicated than that right? Wrong. AU
Genre: Drama/Romance/Humor(hopefully)/Angst/Family

I hope the summary sounds ItaSakuSasu-ish. Cause its suppose to be, even though its NOT even though I do LIKE ItaSakuSasu

Bands: 
Itachi's band. 
Name: Discord
Line Up: Hana (vocals), Itachi (guitar/vocals), Sakura (bass), Deidara (drums), Juugo (keys/piano [cause I love him and I don't write him enough])
Genre: Irunno, symphonic thrash hybrid I guess.... (Think: Metallica and Nightwish's love child)
Random fact: Itachi and Hana are married and are both the founders of the band. Itachi also plays the paino. But in private, nobody is suppose to know. 

Sasuke's band. 
Name: Hell's Gate Angels
Line Up: Hinata (vocals), Naruto (clean male vocals/guitar), Sasuke (bass/grunts), Suigetsu (drums), Karin (keys)
Genre: Symphonic metal baby. =D
Random fact: The band was actually found by Naruto. He also found Hinata when she was still an opera singer. 

And that's pretty much it. I have so much to do. ROTC form, ShikaTema for Dess, Whispers for Sara, Tabula Rasa for Stitch, TSB for everyone else. 
Sigh. I'm so busy! DAMN IT! I WISH I HAD AN ASSISTANT!
TC: meow?
-_____- With hands. 
Plus I have a LeeTen I want to write. 

I've also been playing Diablo II (if you don't know that game, you are a....irunno, can't come up with a good insult, but if you can, you are whatever that insult is!) and my assassin and druid are SO FUCKING AWESOME! I hope I can get to Hell with my Assassin. She's so awesome! SO TOTALLY AWESOME! And so is my Druid. (I so need to update my ipod, but the stupid update is $4.99 ASGJKL! I hate Apple!) And so I've been killing a lot of demons. A lot of demons and gothic fantasy (cause that's what Diablo is, a gothic fantasy. Only without the sparkly vampires. But you got demons and undead. What more do you want?) and that's giving me SO MANY IDEAS for Bloodsworn. (Which reminds me I need to finish typing up chapter two. I'll do it tomorrow. Excuse to get on the computer and talk to Stitch!) Like I may just introduce Dante's daughter in the actual main storyline. Don't know what to do with her exactly. I have so many ideas for her character and blah! 

I finished Tail of the Moon yesterday (Dess didn't care) it was SO GOOD! I love it! Like totally love it! Though St. Dragon Girl isn't that interesting. Meh. No real plot and its getting boring. Though Momoka is funny, she keeps hitting Ryuga. BAHAHAHAAHAHAAA! Though right now I really want to read Yurara which is done by the same manga-ka that did Night of the Beasts. I so love that manga! Sara! YOU NEED TO READ IT! LIKE SERIOUSLY!

And Trinity Blood. I think I'll read Trinity Blood Sunday or something. Ugh. I hate weekly updates. But! I must! I'm SO CLOSE TO ITACHI COMING BACK! Only about iruuno....8 more chapters until Itachi comes back! EIGHT! *flails* 

O____O 

I don't have 8 weeks! ASGJKL!

Dess, sorry that I can't give you a fresh ShikaTema, your gonna get one that I already have written up. I hope it pleases you *bow*  (Fuck! I have to find it. Grrrrrr!)
Sara, Whispers ASGJKL! I don't know when Whispers new chapter will be up! Sorry! 
I have to finish Tabula Rasa and work on TSB! I want to get to chapter 18 before I ship! 

Okay. That's it for tonight! I need to finish Act IV (fuck! I'm not writing an Act V! Just no. Absolutely not....maybe...irunno....)

 YAY! 


Stitch is back! 

I missed her so much and everything turned out okay! Her brother is an ass still, but who cares! Stitch is okay! I'm so happy Stitch is okay! 

And she cave me Aesma Daeva and Falconer! YAY! THANK YOU STITCHY-CHAN! 


Anyways, I have a really important choice to make. 

Should I...

A: Go to Seattle for Halloween and rock out with my brother 

OR

B: Should I stay home with my mom and have a boring Halloween?

And Act IV is still not going to way I want it to. So I'm gonna write up the problem spot for Stitch and let her take a crack at it. 

SARA! REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY badly....And Stitch. DAMN IT! You two keep me sane! 


Well, my day was depressing. 

Dessie and I got into a voilent debate about thrash vs. symphonic. I think he hates me for ONLY listening to symphonic. I think he thinks symphonic is stupid and pointless. I also think he hates me for not agreeing with him that Metallica is like the best band ever. *sigh* I hate it when we get into fights. Cause then I think he hates me. Not my fault I can't rap off every acheivement symphonic metal has don't for the musical world? Am I suppose to? Does that make me any less of a fan? 

I like to think not. But when he points these things out to me that HIS favorite subgenre did. I kinda feel stupid and disloyal to my favorite subgenre. I know I'm not suppose to, but I do anyways. 

And Kim called. Turns out she hung up on me. Says she's was irretated and stuff. 
Well, Kim, I have a message for you: Fuck you. I don't care about you. I don't think I ever did. So, just fuck you and stop calling me! 

And....sigh. I miss Sara. I miss Stitch. 

But there is a common source to this horrible depressing day. 


Tabula Rasa Act IV. 

Yes. I'm stuck on the fucking fic again! I'm starting to hate it. Like really starting to hate it. If I can't get over this hump or out of this funk, I think I may end up deleting it. 

Yes. That's right. I'm gonna kill it. Kull it, make it no more, terminate it, give it a pink slip! ect.

I know what I want to do with it, but I CAN'T GET IT OUT! 

Dessie, bless his heart, just doesn't get it my problem. 

And he and Sara are the only ones reviewing and that makes me sad, because I'm putting my soul into this fic and nobody is giving it the credit it deserves! I mean, GOD DAMN POORLY WRITTEN SASUKA IS GETTING MORE LOVE THAN TABULA RASA AND ITS FUCKING NOT FAIR!!!! MY FIC IS BETTER QUALITY, HAS A BETTER PLOT, BETTER EVERYTHING!!!! WHY DOES IT GET FEWER REVIEWS THAN OTHER STORIES!? WHAT DO THEY HAVE THAT I DON'T!? 


TELL ME PEOPLE! WHAT DO THEY HAVE THAT I DON'T!? I FUCKING WANT TO KNOW! 

It seems that no matter what I try, I don't get the reviews. And if I get the watchers for the fics I write, but when I post a chapter they don't read it. I feel crushed. I write mainly for myself, but I'm encouraged to write more of a story because others seem to like it just as much as I do. And when I see that I get one maybe two reviews for something, I think to myself "Why the fuck am I writing this if nobody even cares about it?"


You know what, fuck the world. I'm gonna go hide in Sasuke's emo corner with Sasuke. We can be emo revenge driven people together. 

PS: For those that bother to care, the problem I'm having with Tabula Rasa is that I can't get Sasuke's anger at Itachi right. I know what I want, I know how its suppose to go, but the feel, the pain, the anger the feeling of betrayal, I can't get out the way I want it to be. So, yeah. That's the problem, for those who bother to care. 

 XD Yes I'm SO TOTALLY GUILT TRIPPING YOU PEEPS INTO REVIEWING MY FANFICTION! 



But I digress, I'm actually serious about it. I mean, I SLAVED people SLAVED over Act III, and what do I get? 


No fucking reviews! 


Do you know how HURT I feel about that. 
Yeah, I know ItaHana isn't exactly THE most POPULAR pairing in Naruto, isn't that spot liked tied between SasuSaku and NaruSasu or something? Irunno. But C'MON PEOPLE! Itachi and Hana fit together BETTER THAN THESE TWO! *points to Sakura and Sasuke* I'm fucking serious! I mean, its so real life its crazy! 

The only reason why I'm perching this ship is because I KNOW its never gonna happen in the manga. Itachi is dead, the only thing I can hope for its like Hana visiting his grave at the end of some emotional crap like that. And if you bring up that Zutara is real world relationship, heh, not really people. I'm pretty sure there are plenty of guys just like Itachi (the dark silent types) and plenty of girls like Hana (the loud lets-party- and-beat-people type) out there in the world. We just have to find them. Hell, Dessie is pretty much a realworld Shikamaru (I'm still iffy on the genuis part. He hasn't been showing ANY intellegence lately). So, I can hoot (Jiraiya: HOOTERS!) and holler all I want about ItaHana. Because, I know in my gut, that it reflects a real relationship. I mean, even if the people aren't fitting the character types exactly and I'm gonna stop now before this becomes a shipping rant. 

So....

Back what I was saying. I fucking slaved over Act III. I began it, got eight pages into it and realized nothing was flowing the way it ought to flow (like a river! Its suppose to floooooooooooow! *makes dorky wavey hand motions*) and ugh! So, I erased the eight pages, talked to Sara (who helped mucha mucha lots!) and read up on heroin on Wikipedia (which is really interesting. Epica's song "Chasing the Dragon" may be about drugs instead of religion O_o). Talked to Sara some more, and finished the chapter about two days ago. 

Now, I'm working on Act IV (yes, peeps there is an Act IV and I'm *sighs tiredly* I'm plotting an Act V  [again, if you are too stupid to know Roman Numerals, heh, sucks to be doesn't it] and I just wanted this to be a one shot! *cries and fails* But Act V is kinda gonna be like irunno an epilogue, but its like happy and cute and...and...and...fluffy! Totally not dark and angsty like the other four acts were! And I'm afraid its like....irunno, totally gonna ruin the story if I tack it on (SARA WHAT DO YOU THINK!?) But, its so cute! Itachi as a daddy, with his little girl! *flails* I want to write cutesy ItaHana so fucking BADLY!!!!!)


O_____o the Japanese symphonic metal kei band Versailles has some of the weirdest shit I've ever heard. Like seriously! Who sings about dead kittens! But, they are symphonic metal, and they are okay. I kinda like them. Some days I do, and some days I don't. I have to get use to them. 

I also want to write more ministories/oneshots dealing with the AUversie I've came up with. Oddly, Itachi and Hana as broken people is really fun to write about. 
I'm planning one about Deidara and his addiction to art and escasty. 
Maybe a short two shot HidaHana (like how the HELL did she end up with him). Maybe something from Itachi's Akatsuki days and Hana's hooker days. 
SO MANY IDEAS! SO LITTLE TIME! 
And maybe DeiHana (which I so totally adore! Cause I think it'll be cute! ASGJKL! I want to write some! *flails* Damn it! Damn it! Damn it! Why does Itachi and Deidara have to be SO. DAMN. SEXY!? WHY! *flails*)

And I'm running on six hours of sleep. 

 

For serious! I went to bed at midnight and woke up at six, and I feel like a jack rabbit on drugs! I have so much fucking energy! I so totally want to say up till six in the morning and sleep till six at night and REPEAT BABY! FUCKING REPEAT!

But then I realize that I would only be able to talk to like may Dessie, if I'm lucky. 

 

So, I must suffer being durial (daylight creature). 

Fuck, I think I should go find a vampire and become one of the Nocturnal. 

Speaking of vampires, I want to go see the Vampire's Assistant. Those vampires actually look irunno not lame and sparkly. 


Chester A. Bum said it the best. (And I can't find the link to the video FUUUUUUUCK! cause I really liked it, Sara do you still have it?)

Aaaanyways, 

REVIEW TABULA RASA ACTS I, II, III! 

SARA! DESSIE! I'M GONNA NEED AN ITAHANA INJECTIONG LIKE RIGHT NOW! I'M THINKING DEIHANA! DEIHANA! DO YOU REALIZE THAT WHAT FUCKING MEANS!? ASGJKL! *flails*

PS: My brother called while at a football game. He screams into the phone and I almost hang up on him. But anyways....

DIEHANA!

 I'm listening to Breaking Benjamin (Dear Agony) trying to get some inspiration for the final act (hopefully, dear God, I SO HOPE its the final act. I'd hate to have to write  Act V!) and heheheh, I'm getting a little too much. 


Now, I'm plotting in killing off Itachi. 

No, he doesn't die any time soon. He marries Hana and has three kids, two girls and a boy. But damn it! I really really want to kill him! Like REALLYREALLYREALLYREALLY (4 reallys) badly. 

AND ITS ALL BECAUSE OF BREAKING BENJAMIN! THE ENTIRE DAMN ALBUM IS LIKE TABULA RASA IN SONG FORM! Its that bat shit insanely creepy. I'm not kidding. But its SOOOOOOOOO GOOD! 

But even if I don't kill him, I want to have a really cute scene of him as a daddy (^___^) cause Itachi is so cute as a daddy. 

Dess, Sara, after I'm done with Tabula Rasa, I'm gonna need a utlimate double does of ItaHana. This damn fic that-was-supose-to-be-a-fucking-long-ass-oneshot-turned-into-a-four-shot is literally taking up ALL my ItaHana juices.  So, feed me ItaHana for like three days straight to stave off the effects of withdrawal *cough*ErikafangirlingSasuKa*cough* Even though I do think SasuKa is a very cute pairing and has potential if Sasuke pulls his head out of his ass. And whaddya know! There is now a juubi! Someone shoot me. 

Tomorrow I have my SATs and Sara! REMIND ME TO FILL OUT THE FORM FOR ROTC! Cause it'll be like December before I fill it out! THREATEN ME! SOMETHING! Cause I'm lazy. And bleh! 

Yay! SATs. -_____- Yeah. My thoughts exactly. 

And Dessie is reviewing BKP! YAY! *spazzes and dies* I'm surprise he's not complaining about the songs I picked. And Alexi Murdoch had this really awesome song, and I heard it on SG-U (Stargate Universe). But I don't know the title but a piece of the lyrics is "Don't stop breathing". Really good song. 

And DAMN IT! Anthem of the Angels is playing again! SUCH A GOOD SONG! But its giving me ideas! Stop it! *flails*

And SQUEEE! Sanctuary is now on again! Do you know how much I love Sanctuary?! Best show ever! And Ashley! I can't believe she's....yeah. Don't want to spoil anyone that actually reads this and WATCHES the show. Though, their dhampire/vampire techie dude is like totally lame. I mean, he could've so totally taken Ashley on. Vampires are like the super creatures in Sanctuary, so logically a dhampire should be able to kick like some major ass. But noooooooooooo! Ashley kicks his ass so fucking easily. 

C'mon people, I know Ashley is oozing sexy bad girl sex, but seriously!? 

And her dad is so hot! For a bald guy, totally has the Neo Matrix look going for him. For serious too. *nods*

Ghost Whisperer is Monday! So totally gonna watch it! Oh ye-s! Sci-Fi channel has some of the best shows ever! Wearhouse 13 anyone? Sanctuary? SG-U? Ghost Whisperer? Just to name a few, but their fantasy sucks! Seriously, the CGI on the mythical beats is lame at best and the magic, I've seen better magic in Dragon Tales and that's an animated kiddie show! *eye roll* 


Anyways, I have a new story idea. 

The Bonded. 

A tale about a girl, half-vampire and half-ghoul. 

And I figured the Evokers in Bloodsworn. 

Note to self: Do not piss off an elemental. You'll be royally screwed. 

So. I'm gonna clean the cat boxes, and then write a bit on Act IV and then maybe do some studying. 

PS: Dessie, I want to read some of your crazy ass LJ posts...like NOW!

PPS: Sara, Dess, start feeding me ItaHana, like soon! I think I may go crazy as soon as I finish Tabula Rasa.